So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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