i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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