i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
