I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Come share oat with me in your robe
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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