I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
