I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
