just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
