There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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