Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
