8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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