I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
