Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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