Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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