You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
