my mouth tastes like poor choices
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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