she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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