i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
