Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
