He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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