it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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