Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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