In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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