I molested 6 butterflies tonight
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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