this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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