It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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