Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
