It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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