I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
