She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
