lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
