I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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