Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
