is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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