i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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