Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
