never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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