You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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