i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
