oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
