I wish you could order shots online.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
