I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
