No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
