Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
