I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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