I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
