Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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