so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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