I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
