Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
