Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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