OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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