you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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