I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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