I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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