we made out on top of his cat.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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