Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
