Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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