just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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