you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I love you.
Bad choice
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
