I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
