i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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