chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
