hotel room ftw
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
