it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She's the barista slut.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
